If someone wants to talk to you about his or her feelings of depression or about suicide, or if you think that someone may be acting suicidal or depressed, it may be difficult to know exactly what to do. These general guidelines will help.
- Always treat such talk or behavoir seriously; don't believe that "it's just attention-seeking."
- Do not promise to keep such talk or behavior a secret; it is one secret you should not keep. It's too risky.
- Do not give quick advice or say that "everything will be alright."
- Be an active listener. Do a lot of listening; little talking. Let the person know you are hearing what they are saying. Try paraphrasing to check whether you are accurately hearing what is being said.
- Remember that it is okay to ask the person if they have been thinking about suicide. It won't "put the ideas in their head."
- Help the person explore his or her own feelings. Do not add to possible guilt by saying things such as "think how your friends and family will feel."
- Don't "discount" the individual's feelings of crisis by saying things like "things aren't that bad," or "that's not true, you have lots of friends."
- Show and describe your concern and caring to the person.
- Don't be afraid to talk openly about the suicidal thoughts. Try to determine whether or not the person has a plan or has attempted suicide earlier.
- Do not debate whether or not suicide is right or wrong, To do so may add to guilt or feelings of worthlessness.
- Discussions of this nature do not always progress in a straight forward manner. It may be necessary to check on some point or other. If you miss something or it becomes obvious that you "should" have said something else, don't worry. Apologize and return to what was missed or say what you think needs saying.
- Remember: You can often be a help by just being there to talk to. Many suicidal crises are immediate and short term. By talking and listening you may swing the person from feelings of "self death" to "self life."
- Encourage the person to go to a counsellor, minister or family member for additional help. If they won't and the risk remains, contact someone for them. You might consider:
- contacting the person's family
- accompanying the person to a walk-in clinic
- phoning the family doctor
- staying with him or her until help arrives
- taking him or her to a mental health centre
Be aware of what community support systems or resource are available.
If the risk seems high or immediate, do not leave the person alone or send them on their own to an agency or other resource person. If possible, considering personal safety, remove the means (pills, car keys).
Continue to be involved. Let the person know you care beyond the immediate crisis. Remember, even though the risk of suicide may be past for individual, the person may continue to need assistance - yours as well as that of a professional.
In any case, this is a difficult situation. You don't have to cope with it by yourself and it's probably wise not to do so. If you have any doubts, get assistance.
