According to the 2002 Gambling and Problem Gambling in Saskatchewan Report, 56% of problem gamblers were either married or living common law.

The family may not know there is a problem. Problem gambling is a quiet, sometimes invisible problem. Unlike those individuals with alcohol or drug abuse problems, people experiencing gambling difficulties may not show any physical signs of a problem. A family member with a gambling problem can often go undetected until a legal, financial or emotional crisis occurs.

The gambler may be able to keep their activity a secret by doing one or more of the following:

• Lie about how they spend their time and money;
• Control all the family's finances;
• Have their mail sent to their place of business or a post office box;
• Obtain credit in their name only;
• Forge signatures for personal loans or mortgages.

If you have discovered that someone in your family has a gambling problem, help is available.

With the introduction of electronic gambling, spouses and family members frequently do not suspect their loved one has a gambling problem. Individuals who play electronic games tend to develop problems more quickly than people who choose other forms of gambling do. Talk to someone about your problems and begin to protect yourself, your family and your future.

An individual's attitude and behaviour changes when they gamble beyond their limit, trying to win back their losses. They stubbornly hang on to the belief that the "big win" is around the corner.

Signs of a possible gambling problem:

• Neglecting family and work;
• Becoming less reliable;
• Picking fights or arguments more frequently;
• Increased levels of anxiety or feelings of depression;
• Lying to cover up financial problems and money related
• Information, or generally becoming more secretive, and controlling of the family finances;
• Depleting bank accounts or cashing in bonds, RRSPs, insurance policies, lines of credit;
• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

You may be heartbroken by your spouse's/partner's betrayal and financial devastation. It is difficult to accept that what started out as a recreational activity has turned into a personal family nightmare.

Questions you may be asking yourself: 

• "How could my spouse/partner do this to me? our family? our future?"
• "How am I going to put my life back together?"
• "How am I going to pay the bills?"
• "How could I have believed all those lies?"
• "How can I ever trust this person again?"
• "How can I love this person ever again?"
• "Who should I talk to about this?"

You may have feelings of anger, frustration, resentment, isolation and desperation. You may also feel like your life and all your thoughts are consumed by the problems you are facing. You may feel you need to separate from your partner at least for a period of time. Thoughts and feelings of this nature are common when first addressing the complex issues that arise as a result of a gambling problem.

Take the time you need to sort through these feelings. Change is made in small steps - every small step is progress toward making things better.

It is important that you look after yourself. Find the help and support you need. Make sure you are not taking on more than you can handle. Discuss your feelings. Talking about your anger, resentment and feelings of betrayal are necessary for you to be able to look after yourself and your family.

To talk to someone, call the Problem Gambling Help Line at 1-800-306-6789 or ask to talk to a problem gambling counsellor at your local health region. 

Before seeking help many problem gamblers accumulate thousands of dollars of debt. Financial losses are always felt by the whole family, and create long term financial issues for both the gambler and the family. Stress, anxiety, and marital problems are linked to the financial damage caused by problem gambling.

You can protect yourself and your family by safeguarding your family's financial resources, your home and possessions, and other financial assets. Understanding and dealing with your finances will help bring about some control in your life and avoid the complicated problems created by loss of credit rating, repossession of family assets, interruption of utility services or garnishment of wages. Do not postpone or delay addressing your family's financial affairs.

You can begin protecting yourself financially by:

• Establishing separate bank accounts;
• Assessing your partner's access to money;
• Knowing your long-term assets and investments;
• Determining your average monthly family income and expenses;
• Listing all valuable possessions accessible to the gambler;
• Knowing what debts you are liable for.

Recent research indicates that in Saskatchewan, problem gamblers spend an average of $1,673 per month.

It is important to know that depression, attempted suicide and suicide is common among both the gambler and family members. Knowing help is available and that difficult problems can be overcome are important strengths in addressing these issues.

Remember you are not to blame for what has happened within your family and you are not responsible for changing your family member's behaviour. You must take responsibility for your own behaviour and attitudes, and for personally feeling better.

You can start this process by:

• Acknowledging the problem;
• Regaining control of finances, budgeting and maintaining or establishing family routines;
• Talking to someone, and accepting support;
• Planning for you and your family's emotional needs;
• Establishing a "safety net" of supportive family, friends and community support agencies.

If you are concerned about a family member's health and safety or your own, contact your local health region or call the Problem Gambling Help Line at 1-800-306-6789.